The first month to month, and a half of my current leave from work has been a lot of… what do I do now?! The everyday, distractions, timelines and habits, like those associated with a corporate workday have been peeled off, and while it feels liberating and I feel lucky, it’s also a bit confronting. Who am I without this? is sometimes not exciting, or easy, to answer.
While staying solo for a week in Madrid, a city, that I love to even more than I remembered, I talked with a friend, who had had a similar experience, some years prior, taking a few months for herself. She sent me a voice note saying, it is interesting; interesting to see what occupies your mind, and your time, when it’s not that thing, or those prior things. It then becomes an analysis of, what is there? And then a progression to, what do I want? To be filling my mind and my time?
I launched into strategizing and planning and future goalsetting like I would with work, or some thing of the like. And then I stopped myself. Because I think what it’s meant to be, right now, is nothing. Fill it with nothing and let it be. Fill it with nothing, and just see.